Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Why I don't mind being called a Bitch.

I want to start by stating that this isn't inspired by a recent attack or even a recent incident.  No one has called me a bitch in quite a while actually, at least that I know of.  But, I was thinking recently about my goals in being a more positive person and thinking about what those changes mean.  Can I still tell someone I think what they're doing is shitty, if I'm trying to be more optimistic.  Can I still HATE rape, abuse and oppression?  Surely, good people don't have any hate in their hearts, or do they?  And, do I want to renounce my former self completely? As I've been making this shift towards happiness and letting go of negativity, I realized, there are some things I don't want to let go of.  Are those the same things keeping me from making a positive shift? Or is it okay to hold on to negative beliefs, about negative things?  What do these thoughts have to do with the word "Bitch"?

I guess they have to do with the reason I've been called a bitch in the past.  Usually, it was because I wouldn't let something go.  I wouldn't stop arguing, even though I knew I was right, and it would be easier to admit I wasn't.  Because, I chose to worry about myself, when I felt like no one else cared.  Because, I said something I meant and didn't want to take it back.  And someone, or several people, got sick of talking to me and tried to shut me up with this five letter word.  The problem was, it didn't work.

I don't know why people think the word is threatening, or an insult, or even a "bad" word for that matter.

I think the word itself is fine, I like the letter "B".  It's a pretty letter with curves and fun to write and so are i, t, c and h.  There is nothing wrong with the letters; we use them in other words just fine... So, maybe it's the sound that bothers people b-itch. Nope, that doesn't bother me either, although it does rhyme with itch which I don't particularly like... Oh! I know.  It's the connotation associated with the original use; a female dog.

No, wait.

I love my dog.  She licks my feet when I'm sad and she rolls in the grass when it's sunny and she makes beds out of blankets.  I don't mind being associated with her either.

So, after thinking about all these terms and concepts and situations that left me with this word spoken from mouths of so called friends or even family, mostly family, I realized I actually don't mind being a "bitch" whatever that means.

If it means I speak my mind, even with others disagree, then I'm a bitch.

If it means looking out for myself {and my family}, when necessary, then I'm a bitch.

If it means I have self confidence, even when others think I should doubt myself, then I'm a bitch.

If it means arguing because I AM RIGHT {not just when I THINK I'm right}, even when others don't want to admit it, then I'm a bitch.

If it means I choose to defend myself against an attacker{s} by ANY means necessary, then I'm a bitch.  

I just can't give negative power to this word, no matter how much I try.  I know there are lots of words used in our language to hurt women {and to call a man a bitch, is to imply he's too feminine to deserve a manly insult}.  But NONE of those other words bother me either.  I think when they're spoken out of anger and frustration that they leave behind a lot of energy and that negative energy needs to go somewhere, but I will not accept it.  The word is just a word, and if someone wants to say something out of hate, discontent or ridicule they they can keep that negative energy.  They can have that karma.  I am too self aware and proud of myself, what I've done, what I've worked for, and who I've worked with to let a word have more power than it deserves.  The word bitch does not disrespect my female anatomy, it empowers it.  It means I'm doing something right, something that got noticed, something that mattered, it usually means I stood up for myself.  The next time someone thinks about calling a woman {or man} a bitch, I hope they realize some people take it as a complement.

How's that for a positive shift?

I can accept and appreciate anything anyone says to me. I CAN be happy and supportive and smart and well spoken and proud and if someone doesn't like it, I CAN accept that and still be happy.  And, to answer my own internal struggle and questions; I can and do still HATE rape, abuse and oppression.  I want to grow as a person without loosing ALL of who I was before. Remaining disgusted with terrible things does NOT keep me from making a positive shift. It okay to hold on to negative beliefs about negative things.

And it is okay to be a bitch.

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