Thursday, October 27, 2016

Pero La Luna es mi Amor

Kauai | December 2014
This last Super Moon (October 16, 2016) really worked me over, you guys. The night before it, I was sick all night from stress guilt frustration but in a physical sense which only compounded the stress I was feeling for the next work day. An 18 hour work day, a work day I had over committed to. That's a thing for me, over committing, and wanting to experience it all. 

I know I do this to myself and I even schedule rest days into my calendar,  Because, I will literally fill every waking moment with a project, job or commitment. I don't know why.  I like to stay busy. I like to think I'm living life to the fullest, but can you really do that without a chance to rest and breathe and reflect on the lessons and journey?  I'm starting to believe not.  

Anyway. I called in sick to the first job. There was absolutely no way I could function on literally no sleep. It sucked to miss out on commitments and deadlines, and I felt like I was letting everyone down. but I needed to rest. So I did. I finally started listening to my body. And acknowledging I was toxifying my body with unrealistic expectations and harmful thoughts. I had been creating my own toxic work environment and putting up with toxic people to keep the momentum going. This whole getting sick all night was a physical cleanse to match my emotional one. It was exactly what I needed, my body to scream at me, the only way it knows how. and it was definitely repeating; Stop. Reflect. Change. 

A little background for this new found awareness might have come from this article a friend posted on facebook. Normally, I don't get too into astrology and it's meanings but sometimes the universe delivers messages in hidden and unexpected ways and it doesn't really matter how we get the message as long as it reaches us.  

It was full of advice like "It’s an opportunity to move onward and up in our lives. Many of us will come across exciting new opportunities which weren’t even possible, let alone available to us, before the shift. Now that Mercury has been out of retrograde for just under a month, everything should have fallen back into its normal place by now. If there’s anything that’s still out of whack, fix it asap so you can continue moving forward with nothing holding you back"

hmmm.  Could this be any clearer? I had no less than 3 job offers presented to me the week before the full moon, one for a part time position painting and teaching painting lessons, another odd job for henna and another opportunity to grow my food blog, I had to turn them ALL down because of my "real" job.  I knew I couldn't take on any more, and I felt like I couldn't quit my full time job, so I had to turn down exciting opportunities I definitely didn't think would be possible or available to me when I took my full time job.  Not to mention the fact that any more commitments would take away from family time, and I didn't want to be away from my kids or husband more than I already was.  And that's when the last line screamed at me, fix this asap so you can move forward without anything holding you back!  I listened. 

and it also spoke clearly about being free from harmful relationships, "Break free of toxic people in your life. The relationships that are hurting you or holding you back need to be re-assessed. If you find that someone is not worth the time, effort, and stress, cut the cord and distance yourself from them. Stop letting people walk all over you and instead of following bad examples, be a leader and set good ones!"

If you find that someone is not worth the time, effort, and stress, cut yourself off from them, it was the permission I needed, to let go of somethings and someones.  It was a reminder to continue with the distance I've placed in the past, no matter how tempting it might be to return to a 'normal' comfortable place of bad energy.

Has the moon ever been so closely connected to your life's journey?  Have you ever felt the universe pull you in one direction or another? How do you manage stress and change?

I'll be honest, it wasn't pretty. It was actually really awful and through it, I created more anxiety for myself, knowing I'd have to have difficult conversations with all parties involved but it was liberating stress to know I would be able to function again at my own capacity without running myself sick and abandoning my husband and children.  I resolved my issues and had the conversations.  I trusted in my own creativity to help support my family financially, I know that going back to a modified schedule with more creative hours in a day will be best for my mental health and for my family's.  This is the time we have together to travel, create and experience, I'm not going to waste it stressed and overwhelmed.  I'm going to live my life and enjoy my family and friends.  

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